Never Trust a Man who doesn't Drink

2020 ... What to say? Pandemics, B J and Brexit, the Donald: the grim news has been relentless. Not much to try and be funny about with the first two, but Trump dumped – that brings a smile:


If all be true that I do think,

There are five reasons we should drink:

Good wine, a friend, or being dry,

Or lest we should be by and by,

Or any other reason why

- which last has got to include drinking to blot out the memory of a man with the brains of an earwig and the morals of a cockroach.

I would have preferred it to be James Halliday reviewing this, but he blenched when it came to tasting the Saint Donald. So I’m doing it for him:


Chateau Saint Donald Cul de Cheval 2020

A Florida-style Pinochet Noir. The nose - lavishly coated with Max Factor Tan 2 Full Coverage pancake - is mesmerizing. After four long years macerating in a vat of toadying relatives, bootlicking senators, conspiracy-minded alt-right whack-jobs and the girls from the Moscow Ritz-Carlton, the fire, fury and, frankly, power of this vintage will – quite literally if you’re without access to medical insurance and advanced life support - take your breath away. Raise it to your lips; the odour of slow death and gingivitis overwhelms you. It kisses you, open-mouthed, it won’t even wait, it’s a star, it can do anything. Believe me. Spit or swallow, the Donald 2020 hits you between the eyes like the butt of an American flag staff.

Pair with Real Housewives of Palm Beach, McDonalds, Wendys and Burger King hamberders on White House silverware, and Hydro-oxy-chlorinequine bleach.

Screwed. 0% alc. Rating 49. To 20th Jan 2021. $16 trillion.